Squat till you Drop: The Healthier Way to Pooh

In Health & Fitness by Jackie Cruz

This is a weird post. It’s pretty far out there. Like really far. Like Antarctica far. But – there’s a big but – reading this post will change your life and your body forever. In a world of etiquette and social standards, we need to discuss the most healthy way to go #2.

If your poo is anything other than the following descriptions, keep reading for a extremely easy, cheap and fool-proof solution to your problem!

  • Are well formed, about the consistency of a ripe banana
  • Maintain their shape after being eliminated
  • Are a light brownish-yellow color
  • Float (if eliminated into a toilet bowl containing water)
  • Are slightly oily
  • Are not sticky; the anal orifice is easily cleaned and the stool does not stick to the toilet
  • Have only a mild odor
  • So, let’s get the embarrassing and funny words over with. We will talk about pooh, rectum, squatting, constipation, bowel movements, dump, brown christmas stocking, pooping, bodily waste, waste matter, logs, dookie, dung, manure, stools, shit, loaf, droppings, soil, poop, doo-doo, caca and turds.

    A crazy topic, I know, butt you will thank me later. Sitting on German toilets since 2011, I noticed I lost circulation in my legs, hamstrings and calves, resulting in tingling and numbness. I’m not sure if the toilets are taller because the median height for Germans is higher than the U.S., or if my circulation is bad due to the cold weather. Anyway, resting my feet flat on the ground cuts off the circulation in my legs after just one minute of sitting on almost every toilet seat I visit. It is extremely uncomfortable and, getting very detailed, feels hard to physically get the rest of the crap out of my system. I always felt some was left cooking in the oven.

    Although we are only talking about a specific position for pooping today, the actual color, form and consistency of your waste are extremely important. Here are some good tools for your stools that could give you insight about your diet and overall health.

    Personally, I stick to a healthy 90/10 mix of healthy and green with other stuff that I crave. When I started to have problems, it didn’t matter what I ate. I was still having a rough time getting the crap out. My toilet routine and body felt totally out of whack. Green tea, coffee or a hot bottle on my lower back helped sometimes. However, I noticed my butt was still stuffed – and not the Sir-Mix-A-Lot kind of stuffed.

    I wanted answers from my doctor, but no one could give me anything. My spirit doesn’t take “no” or “deal with it” for an answer. So, I got Googlicious. I found nonsense and craziness about how to go #2, but eventually I found great research about resting your feet on a raised box while you sit on the toilet. I also found a ton more studies proving decreased bathroom time as well as the physical unblocking of your rectum using this somewhat ancient method.

    In the picture below, one can see the angle of your pelvis that I am talking about. The chart below shows decreased time on the toilet while using the box and squatting position. 100% of volunteers in this study used less time while squatting with high knees versus sitting, cutting off circulation and pinching their rectum, irrespective of diet.

    A lot of my friends, family and ex-teammates will contest, if something improves my health, I will try it. I was intrigued by this method, so, I got on the toilet, propped my legs on an upside-down basket and went to work. Only, I didn’t need to do any work! It was the most amazing experience I’ve had in a bathroom beside finding vibrating penis rings and sex toys in the basement bathrooms in Germany.

    It took one-third the time than I would normally need and there was no pushing, no holding and no weird feeling of leftover turds in my system! The position and angle of my legs created a natural pressure with my stomach, making the exit process a breeze.

    Besides being a personal favorite as a one-stop shop for healthy lifestyles and anything green, Dr. Mercola recommends propping your feet up and doing the squat. He explains, “Sitting on a modern toilet places your knees at a 90-degree angle to your abdomen, which actually hinders elimination by pinching off your anal canal. Squatting, on the other hand, places your knees closer to your torso, and this position changes the spatial relationships of your intestinal organs and musculature, relaxing and straightening your rectum. As a result, you maximize the efficiency of elimination.

    Sitting on the toilet can also cause constipation urinary infections and other pelvic issues. If you look at the diagram above, it is easy to see how the anus gets blocked by the position of our bodies. Looking at history, the prevalence of urinary and pelvic problems was common among prosperous western countries due to the adoption of modern toilet technology.

    Let’s get a little philosophical and spiritual about Ayurveda (the science of life). We discussed Ayurveda in a previous post about the amazing health benefits of scraping your tongue for the acceptance and absorption of more vitamins and nutrients.

    Why is Ayurveda important? Within Ayurveda, elimination of waste (agni) is emphasized because it is believed to be one of the first places of imbalance in the body. I am just starting to dive into this 5,000-year-old honored science myself, but this Ayurvedic proverb by Lolimbaraja captivated me from the moment I read it:

    When diet is wrong medicine is of no use. When diet is correct medicine is of no need.Lolimbaraja

    I use a simple 9-inch heigh box, but one of the other solutions I found was the Squatty Potty. I have never tried this product, but it does have a solid 4 stars and close to 1,000 reviews on Amazon. If you want an extremely strange and awkward, but incredibly true video explaining this entire method and reasons behind it, here is a hilarious unicorn video from the Potty Squatty company.

    I can honestly, openly and enthusiastically say that using this squat position has been a revitalizing experience. It has changed my life and my bathroom experiences. I don’t have to worry about constipation, taking medication to go to to the bathroom or being embarrassed about having trouble going #2.

    I don’t have to waste my time with my own waste! This method of putting your feet up on a box or the Squatty Potty is a surprisingly extremely easy solution.

    I cannot promise your pooh will come out in beautiful rainbow colors, like the unicorn above, but it will feel like it!